Whatever, I’ll Just Date Myself

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and I can imagine that you’ve already updated your status about how single by choice you are.  Whether that’s really the case or not -we have to make sure our other choices are in good shape before getting back out there in the dating game! Here are some tips for you in your in your singleness and when you’re ready to get back out there!

Knowing & Loving Yourself. We hear it in music, the sermons at church, and we even have our room décor inspiring us to do so –and we still don’t. It is very important before you even start dating that you are whole by yourself. Here are some signs that you may need to work on you:

  • You critical of your decisions, your behavior and parts of your body too; in general, you do not say nice things to yourself, but you say lots of the other kind.
  • You have a tendency to put others first.
  • You find it difficult to speak up for yourself.
  • You make some personal decisions NOT based on your likes and dislikes, NOT based on your needs and desires but on the hope of getting someone’s attention or approval.
  • You do not see a way to make your dreams happen, or you do not have dreams.

Define and Commit to Your Boundaries Relationships are said to be healthier when both people can clearly define their wants, needs, and can mutually construct boundaries. That’s why Knowing and Loving yourself is important when you’re single. Having a strong sense of self can help you properly balance the difference between “I” and “We”. For example, in my previously relationship I didn’t know what I needed, so I for sure didn’t know how or what to ask for it. It doesn’t matter about whatever else I did in the relationship that was right. That lack of clarity opens the doors for disappointments for both parties in the future.

Be Open, Not Too Open The key is to reveal parts of you and your past over time as they become relevant when dating. Don’t just dump information about yourself in order to fast-track the other person to get you. What tends to happen when we do put it all out on the table, we give people the ideal version of ourselves and not who we really are in time.

Don’t Waste Your Own Time  It’s hard enough when dating, trying to figure out how to integrate your time with someone else’s, so please don’t entertain people you don’t have interest in.