I am an introvert, but I’m still fairly outgoing and confident. I can be charming, witty, and hold a decent conversation especially if it’s a topic I’m interested in, but I do understand on the opposite end of the spectrum how one can be freaking out on the inside if they’ve never approached someone they wanted to ask out. Here are some tips on how you can shoot your shot in real life!
Calm Down. The worse thing that can happen is they’re not interested or they’re taken. There’s no need for anxiety if you just think of it as “Hey, he/she looks interesting from over here, now let me see if he/she is interesting up close.” As I like to say, “This is my show”, so move in as if you’re casting to find a potential date and if you’re not feeling it, you can recast. Don’t be nervous or it’ll definitely look like it. Trust that the other party probably has as many insecurities as you do. They’ll be grateful that you approached them! Smile and make eye contact, but don’t get weird and stare. If you find yourself getting nervous, briefly glance at their shoulder or another part of their face. Oh and breathe!
Be Yourself. In order to be yourself, you need to know yourself. I’m an advocate for people being single until they are one with themselves which means they know who they are, what they can offer, and know what they bring to the table. You have to be your own hype person when you shoot your shot and it’s not as easy as you think to put yourself out there. Remember your strengths and be confident when you make that approach. Nobody can deny confidence. The downside of shooting your shot in person is that you can’t hide behind technology, so if you’re not gonna be the real you -the ball will drop.
Don’t Overshare. You’re trying to win a date in hopes that you can learn a bit more. When you are shooting your shot, please don’t talk about your ex, your family drama, or money issues. Your only job at this point when approaching is to land a date with your looks, personality, and your strengths. Laughter is the ingredient to the attraction.
Finally, Ask. After holding a light conversation and getting some clever jokes out go ahead and ask them out. When you ask them out, be specific:
- “There’s a wine tasting at Rizzo’s next week. They have a great selection. Wanna go?”
- “The Artistic Lounge’s anniversary is coming up this weekend, want to hear some live music?
- “Have you seen the new preview for Rocketman? It got a great rating on rotten tomatoes, would you like to check it out?” (Avoid movies for the first date though)
When you go vague, it makes people -especially women nervous, but when you sound like you got a plan, you’re a shoe in!
If they say yes, make sure you ask them what’s a good time and day for them -hopefully it’s soon. Get the number and let them know when they can expect to hear from you. Texting from this point on should be only for check-ins and updates for the date you guy’s scheduled. If you or they want to talk just call or you’ll start this goofy trend of just texting. The worse thing that can happen is you’ll get to having a full-text conversation and end up not having a thing to talk about at the table.
If they say no, just be cool and casual about it -don’t get pushy.